Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
