no, he came in my armpit
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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