So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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