What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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