You can't special order awesome
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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