Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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