im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I licked your asshole in confidence.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
