dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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