I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize