Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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