im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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