i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
