last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
