I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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