Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
