i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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