I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
