They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
