when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
