You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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