My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
