I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize