hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
