I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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