Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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