oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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