i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
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I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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