Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
