Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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