we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
