forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
