Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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