Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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