i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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