dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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