considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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