yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
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No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
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hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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