singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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