his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
