I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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