2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
