i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
