He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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