i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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