I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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