Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
