Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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