So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Randomize
