i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
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Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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