You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
