I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
it's like iHOP with fire
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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