its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
