maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
