just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
