Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
