He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
