I wish I only lived at night.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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