i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
