I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
