1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dick very happy bro
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
