she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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