You just made me feel so damn special
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
did i walk over a car last night?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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