He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
