her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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