wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
