I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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