how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
