Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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