I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
