super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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