fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
