Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
