He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
