apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
