My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
