Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
