So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
