sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
