That's intense
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
