i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
