he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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