It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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