I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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