She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
